


I Guess This Is Love

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Points of View, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-26
Updated: 2005-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian's thoughts during the bombing of Babylon and the subsequent events in ep. 510. I ain't too proud to beg--please review!!





	I Guess This Is Love

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Itâ€™s just like him to have to be a drama princess about this and cause such a big fucking scene just to get me to pay attention to him. All right, so maybe he had nothing to do with this whole thing, but it seems like a pretty big fucking coincidence. I could pretend to look like a good friend and say that he wasnâ€™t the only one who I was worried about when I heard the news, but that would be a lie. And Iâ€™m not about lying. When I heard what the radio was saying, the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. I wasnâ€™t even thinking about the fabulous vacation I was giving up. None of that even crossed my mind. All I knew was I had to get back there faster than fast.

I guess this is love.

We finally make it back to Babylon, and it wouldâ€™ve gone a lot faster if the fucking driver had known where he was going, but I guess it wouldnâ€™t have made much of a difference anyway. So we pull up and I jump out of the car before I even realize Iâ€™ve told my legs to move. Itâ€™s like my eyes have filters on them and I see nothing except the fact that heâ€™s not there. Thereâ€™s tons of people walking around, looking like they donâ€™t know where they are, covered in dust, and blood, and whatever the fuck else. Tons and tons of people, Iâ€™ve probably fucked half of them, but I donâ€™t see them. All I see is the fact that HE is not here, and thatâ€™s all I care about.

I guess this is love.

Finally I see someone who resembles him, and run over to her looking for any information I can get; and she gives me the worst. I donâ€™t hear anything she says past the fact that heâ€™s still in there, and again my legs do that thing where they move before I even tell them. I now know how Moses must have felt as I try to make my way through the crowds of people to get to what was once the entrance of Babylon. Once I finally make it there, my eyes tear up immediately. And no, Brian Kinney has not gone completely soft, there was so much fucking dust and god knows what else in the air that I could barely keep my eyes open. And if I thought the people outside looked bad, this was ten times worse. There was voices calling from everywhere, but I didn't hear anything. The only thing I do hear is my own voice call out his name, and I barely recognize it. The only sign I have that it actually was me is the hoarse dry feeling the call leaves behind in my throat. Finally, and I know this sounds clichÃ© and I hate it, but after what felt like an eternity there he was in all his sunshine glory, and damnit if he didnâ€™t look more beautiful then, with dirt, and dust, and blood on his face, than heâ€™d ever looked in his life.

I guess this is love.

I held him tighter than I think Iâ€™ve ever held him in his life and no one will ever understand the kind of relief I felt at finally being able to touch him and know he was all right. Em came up to us then and I have to admit I was pretty fucking glad to see him as well. Thatâ€™s when it hit me. Mikey. Where the fuck was Mikey? Thatâ€™s when that feeling of panic began to set in again, and Iâ€™ll admit I stopped thinking about Justin for maybe a second. And that was a long time for me. The feeling I had in my stomach when I saw Mikey lying there on the stretcher was one that definitely rivaled the feeling I had prior to finding Justin. I knew there were many things that needed to be said between us, mostly on my part, but that would have to wait because I needed to make sure Mikey was ok. And he knew this. And I knew he would wait for me, and wait for those words.

I guess this is love.

Once I was assured that Mikey was stable, even if it didnâ€™t look all too promising at the moment, I needed to go back and find Justin. Making the drive back from the hospital to Babylon, I was nearly as terrified as before I had reached Justin. Logically I knew he was fine and nothing had happened to him, but I needed that reassurance. I needed to hold him again and not let go and not let him out of my sight for a really, really long time. By the time I got there the crowd had lessened quite a bit, all though there were still terrified, lost, pained faces everywhere you looked, closing you in and making you feel claustrophobic. And then there he was, and it almost felt like that first night all over again. Before I could even reach my fingertips out to him he was asking how Michael was and damn him for being so fucking caring. I barely answered him before pulling him tightly against me, with no intention of ever letting go. And as the words slipped from my mouth and into his ear for the very first time, I realized that I hadnâ€™t even thought before they came out. And I realized for the first time in my life, those words didnâ€™t scare me. They empowered me. And fuck it all; they made me feel more whole than Iâ€™ve ever felt in my entire life.

I guess THIS is love.


End file.
